Grasping For Air

smog covers the sky

like a blanket of despair

Grasping for air

to see beyond the stratosphere

I offer a silent prayer to all the firefighters battling the flames

For those forced to move out of its fiery path


There are things and situations that are literally out of our control, when all we can do is take the time to breathe. To see beyond the smoggy din that surround our lives and grasp for air.

Breathing Space (June 6, 2023)

Looking out into the ominous sky, I look beyond it and look deeply at its implications for my own well being. I can let it drag my mood down, or look beyond it to see hope. Within my magnified space, I offer up a silent prayer to God for all the firefighters working vigorously to put out the flames. I pray for all those who have been displaced by the gravity of the forest fires (Quebec). I let God do his job.

breathing space

just to breathe. i am alive

grasping for air

my magnified space

allowing myself to go with the flow


Don’t forget Jesus too often withdraw from his disciples to pray: 16 But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed. Luke 5:16

Philippians 4:6 reminds us to take the time and offer up our angst and worries to God:

6 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.


God Bless 💖🙏

State Of Flow

There is anxiety and stress. There is also depression. Coming from a Christian and Chinese cultural milieu, I use to feel guilt that I would have these conditions.

As part of my own psychological and spiritual journey, I now acknowledge that it’s ok to go through anxiety, stress, fear and even depression. Going through life changes and growth is never easy. It can disable me, or it can create so much fear and panic that I don’t want to leave the confines of my home.

I have been working with a St. Ignatius Spiritual Director for the past few years as part of my own spiritual journey to love, know and do God’s will. Part of this is shedding away all the layers of “things” piled upon me in my 60 plus years of life.

The awareness of how much psychological and emotional baggage I carry on my shoulders is daunting. Spiritual awareness is letting go of all the “stuff” that keeps me from God.

Hand in hand in my spiritual journey the past few months is seeing my art therapist. Through visualization, I can explore those areas in my psyche which chains me. Art therapy and my spiritual direction helps in healing me to be the person I was meant to be in God’s image.

I am going through a personal transformation and letting go of emotional and psychological chains to becoming my authentic self. Free from the sins of the “father” and all those “ism” that has unconsciously molded and shaped the neurotic, anxious and stressed out me. It is and has been a healing journey.

Christian work ethic was my moral compass. Topped with the drive, angst and expectations of my immigrant parents – where my Chinese cultural repertoire often conflicted with my Christian one. I was a CBC – Canadian born Chinese.

The pace of life since university and then career set the pace for the next 30 years. It shaped my friendships and social environment. Fast forward into my 60s is the realization that I existed in a pressure cooker. The past many months have seen me breaking free to find my authentic self in the mundanity of my life. The career that once gave me much joy, is now but a shallow prison. Friendships were based on a thin thread of association and easily sever (for the first time C.S. Lewis’ The Four Loves made sense). I let the “stuff” of the world come between me and God.


Aside:

Luke 24 is pivotal in my state of flow. Mediating on Mary Magdalene’s grief over the death of her beloved friend and the disciples focus on the current news until they recognize Jesus when he broke bread, all help me understand that peace and joy comes only from fixing our focus on Jesus.

With my eyes on Jesus, I can move towards healing my mind, body and soul. All those angst and inner pain starts to slowly flow out of me. Yes, it is taking proactive action on my part to get better. Now, I can move towards the next phase of my life because my gaze is on Jesus. Only then can I let go of my baggage. I can now grieve and walk towards the light – because I am safe in Jesus’ embrace.


Resource: The Catholic Guide To Depression, by Aaron Kheriaty

The Four Loves, by C. S. Lewis https://ia800104.us.archive.org/27/items/fourloves01lewi/fourloves01lewi.pdf


Thank you for letting me share my journey with you. Jesus loves each of us at whatever point in life we are at. I pray that each of you walk with him into the light. All the things we once deemed important, hurtful, or heavy falls to the wayside.

God Bless 🙏💕

Drawing Nearer A Step At A Time

I read this verse today , and it resonates with challenges in my Faith journey.

“Guard your steps when you go to the house of God; to draw near to listen is better than to offer the sacrifice of fools; for they do not know that they are doing evil. Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven, and you upon earth; therefore let your words be few.”–Ecclesiastes 5:1-2


God Bless each of you as you take one step at a time towards Jesus Christ and grow into a better “you” in your existence before God🙏💕

A New Beginning

My thoughts today (Aside)

Today I felt a joy brewing

A spring in my steps

What’s passed remains in the past

I can rejoice in a risen Christ

Now Jesus is the bridge to the Father

His resurrection let’s me draw closer to God

No longer something out there beyond my grasp


Meditation On The Risen Jesus

In the shadow of death

May we not look back to the past but seek in utter darkness the dawn of God.

Lord, enfold me in the depths of your heart; and there hold me, refine, purge, and set me on fire, raise me aloft, until my own self knows utter annihilation.

Pierre Teilhard de Chardonnay, SJ

God Bless 🙏💕☀️

Holy Saturday – Christ In the Tomb

I imagine the cold and dampness of a tomb carved out of rock. Perhaps angels attend to his wounds, or they stand guard and surround his body while his soul travels into the deep depth of hell. As his soul ascends, his body is transfigured into divine light.

I can only imagine with my own limited understanding something that is beyond my human grasp. Today, I share with all this moving ancient homily. It is solemnly beautiful as it contemplates the mystery of the death of Jesus. It comes from an ancient Holy Saturday homily:


Christ Laid in the Tomb

“If a man die, shall he live again?
All the days of my service I would wait,
till my release should come.”
—Job 14:14


Something strange is happening—
there is a great silence on earth today,
a great silence and stillness.

The whole earth keeps silence
because the King is asleep.


The earth trembled and is still because
God has fallen asleep in the flesh and he has
raised up all who have slept ever since the
world began. God has died in the flesh
and hell trembles with fear.


He has gone to search for our first
parent, as for a lost sheep. Greatly desiring
to visit those who live in darkness and in the
shadow of death, he has gone to free from
sorrow the captives Adam and Eve, he
who is both God and the son of Eve.

The Lord approached them bearing the cross,
the weapon that had won him the victory.


At the sight of him Adam,
the first man he had created, struck
his breast in terror and cried out to everyone:
‘My Lord be with you all.’ Christ answered him:
‘And with your spirit.’ He took him by the hand
and raised him up, saying: ‘Awake, O sleeper,
and rise from the dead, and Christ
will give you light.

The Harrowing of Hell

I am your God, who for your
sake have become your son.
Out of love
for you and for your descendants I now by my
own authority command all who are held in bondage
to come forth, all who are in darkness to be
enlightened, all who are sleeping to arise.
I order you, O sleeper, to awake.

I did not create you to be held
a prisoner in hell. Rise from the dead,
for I am the life of the dead. Rise up, work of
my hands, you who were created in my image.

Rise, let us leave this place, for you are in
me and I am in you; together we form only
one person and we cannot be separated.


For your sake I, your God,
became your son; I, the Lord,
took the form of a slave; I, whose
home is above the heavens, descended
to the earth and beneath the earth.

For your sake, for the sake of man, I
became like a man without help, free among
the dead. For the sake of you, who left a garden, I was betrayed to the Jews in a garden, and I was crucified in a garden.

The Triumph of Christianity over Paganism

See on my face the spittle 
I received in order to restore to 
you the life I once breathed into you. 

See there the marks of the blows I 
received in order to refashion your 
warped nature in my image. 

On my back see the marks of the 
scourging I endured to remove the 
burden of sin that weighs upon your back. 

See my hands, nailed firmly to a tree, 
for you who once wickedly stretched 
out your hand to a tree. 


I slept on the cross and a sword 
pierced my side for you who slept in 
paradise and brought forth Eve from your 
side. My side has healed the pain in yours. 
My sleep will rouse you from your sleep 
in hell. The sword that pierced me 
has sheathed the sword that 
was turned against you. 

Rise, let us leave this place. The 
enemy led you out of the earthly paradise. 
I will not restore you to that paradise, 
but I will enthrone you in heaven. 

I forbade you the tree that was only 
a symbol of life, but see, I who am life 
itself am now one with you. 


I appointed cherubim to guard 
you as slaves are guarded, but now I 
make them worship you as God. The 
throne formed by cherubim awaits 
you, its bearers swift and eager. 

The bridal chamber is adorned, 
the banquet is ready, the eternal dwelling 
places are prepared, the treasure houses 
of all good things lie open. 


There is a moving depth to ancient writings that is lost in our modern vernacular.

Here is the source: https://universalis.com/canada/20230408/readings.htm for Holy Saturday.

May God bless each of us with a deepening of faith and trust. Please pray for me as I pray for you. 🙏💕

Father Donald Calloway

A moving personal testimony of a journey to God, and one so many of us can relate to.


Each of us have a personal and unique conversion story. It is a testament of the love of God and His divine mercy.

God Bless 🙏💕

Jesus

Gospel Mt 26:14—27:66

One of the Twelve, who was called Judas Iscariot,
went to the chief priests and said,
“What are you willing to give me
if I hand him over to you?”
They paid him thirty pieces of silver,
and from that time on he looked for an opportunity
to hand him over.

On the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread,
the disciples approached Jesus and said,
“Where do you want us to prepare
for you to eat the Passover?”
He said,
“Go into the city to a certain man and tell him,
‘The teacher says, “My appointed time draws near;
in your house I shall celebrate the Passover with my disciples.”‘”
The disciples then did as Jesus had ordered,
and prepared the Passover.

When it was evening,
he reclined at table with the Twelve.
And while they were eating, he said,
“Amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me.”
Deeply distressed at this,
they began to say to him one after another,
“Surely it is not I, Lord?”
He said in reply,
“He who has dipped his hand into the dish with me
is the one who will betray me.
The Son of Man indeed goes, as it is written of him,
but woe to that man by whom the Son of Man is betrayed.
It would be better for that man if he had never been born.”
Then Judas, his betrayer, said in reply,
“Surely it is not I, Rabbi?”
He answered, “You have said so.”

While they were eating,
Jesus took bread, said the blessing,
broke it, and giving it to his disciples said,
“Take and eat; this is my body.”
Then he took a cup, gave thanks, and gave it to them, saying,
“Drink from it, all of you,
for this is my blood of the covenant,
which will be shed on behalf of many
for the forgiveness of sins.
I tell you, from now on I shall not drink this fruit of the vine
until the day when I drink it with you new
in the kingdom of my Father.”
Then, after singing a hymn,
they went out to the Mount of Olives.

Then Jesus said to them,
“This night all of you will have your faith in me shaken,
for it is written:
I will strike the shepherd,
and the sheep of the flock will be dispersed;

but after I have been raised up,
I shall go before you to Galilee.”
Peter said to him in reply,
“Though all may have their faith in you shaken,
mine will never be.”
Jesus said to him,
“Amen, I say to you,
this very night before the cock crows,
you will deny me three times.”
Peter said to him,
“Even though I should have to die with you,
I will not deny you.”
And all the disciples spoke likewise.

Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane,
and he said to his disciples,
“Sit here while I go over there and pray.”
He took along Peter and the two sons of Zebedee,
and began to feel sorrow and distress.
Then he said to them,
“My soul is sorrowful even to death.
Remain here and keep watch with me.”
He advanced a little and fell prostrate in prayer, saying,
“My Father, if it is possible,
let this cup pass from me;
yet, not as I will, but as you will.”
When he returned to his disciples he found them asleep.
He said to Peter,
“So you could not keep watch with me for one hour?
Watch and pray that you may not undergo the test.
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”
Withdrawing a second time, he prayed again,
“My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass
without my drinking it, your will be done!”
Then he returned once more and found them asleep,
for they could not keep their eyes open.
He left them and withdrew again and prayed a third time,
saying the same thing again.
Then he returned to his disciples and said to them,
“Are you still sleeping and taking your rest?
Behold, the hour is at hand
when the Son of Man is to be handed over to sinners.
Get up, let us go.
Look, my betrayer is at hand.”

While he was still speaking,
Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived,
accompanied by a large crowd, with swords and clubs,
who had come from the chief priests and the elders
of the people.
His betrayer had arranged a sign with them, saying,
“The man I shall kiss is the one; arrest him.”
Immediately he went over to Jesus and said,
“Hail, Rabbi!” and he kissed him.
Jesus answered him,
“Friend, do what you have come for.”
Then stepping forward they laid hands on Jesus and arrested him.
And behold, one of those who accompanied Jesus
put his hand to his sword, drew it,
and struck the high priest’s servant, cutting off his ear.
Then Jesus said to him,
“Put your sword back into its sheath,
for all who take the sword will perish by the sword.
Do you think that I cannot call upon my Father
and he will not provide me at this moment
with more than twelve legions of angels?
But then how would the Scriptures be fulfilled
which say that it must come to pass in this way?”
At that hour Jesus said to the crowds,
“Have you come out as against a robber,
with swords and clubs to seize me?
Day after day I sat teaching in the temple area,
yet you did not arrest me.
But all this has come to pass
that the writings of the prophets may be fulfilled.”
Then all the disciples left him and fled.

Those who had arrested Jesus led him away
to Caiaphas the high priest,
where the scribes and the elders were assembled.
Peter was following him at a distance
as far as the high priest’s courtyard,
and going inside he sat down with the servants
to see the outcome.
The chief priests and the entire Sanhedrin
kept trying to obtain false testimony against Jesus
in order to put him to death,
but they found none,
though many false witnesses came forward.
Finally two came forward who stated,
“This man said, ‘I can destroy the temple of God
and within three days rebuild it.'”
The high priest rose and addressed him,
“Have you no answer?
What are these men testifying against you?”
But Jesus was silent.
Then the high priest said to him,
“I order you to tell us under oath before the living God
whether you are the Christ, the Son of God.”
Jesus said to him in reply,
“You have said so.
But I tell you:
From now on you will see ‘the Son of Man
seated at the right hand of the Power’
and ‘coming on the clouds of heaven.'”
Then the high priest tore his robes and said,
“He has blasphemed!
What further need have we of witnesses?
You have now heard the blasphemy;
what is your opinion?”
They said in reply,
“He deserves to die!”
Then they spat in his face and struck him,
while some slapped him, saying,
“Prophesy for us, Christ: who is it that struck you?”

Now Peter was sitting outside in the courtyard.
One of the maids came over to him and said,
“You too were with Jesus the Galilean.”
But he denied it in front of everyone, saying,
“I do not know what you are talking about!”
As he went out to the gate, another girl saw him
and said to those who were there,
“This man was with Jesus the Nazorean.”
Again he denied it with an oath,
“I do not know the man!”
A little later the bystanders came over and said to Peter,
“Surely you too are one of them;
even your speech gives you away.”
At that he began to curse and to swear,
“I do not know the man.”
And immediately a cock crowed.
Then Peter remembered the word that Jesus had spoken:
“Before the cock crows you will deny me three times.”
He went out and began to weep bitterly.

When it was morning,
all the chief priests and the elders of the people
took counsel against Jesus to put him to death.
They bound him, led him away,
and handed him over to Pilate, the governor.

Then Judas, his betrayer, seeing that Jesus had been condemned,
deeply regretted what he had done.
He returned the thirty pieces of silver
to the chief priests and elders, saying,
“I have sinned in betraying innocent blood.”
They said,
“What is that to us?
Look to it yourself.”
Flinging the money into the temple,
he departed and went off and hanged himself.
The chief priests gathered up the money, but said,
“It is not lawful to deposit this in the temple treasury,
for it is the price of blood.”
After consultation, they used it to buy the potter’s field
as a burial place for foreigners.
That is why that field even today is called the Field of Blood.
Then was fulfilled what had been said through Jeremiah
the prophet,
And they took the thirty pieces of silver,
the value of a man with a price on his head,
a price set by some of the Israelites,
and they paid it out for the potter’s field
just as the Lord had commanded me.


Now Jesus stood before the governor, and he questioned him,
“Are you the king of the Jews?”
Jesus said, “You say so.”
And when he was accused by the chief priests and elders,
he made no answer.
Then Pilate said to him,
“Do you not hear how many things they are testifying against you?”
But he did not answer him one word,
so that the governor was greatly amazed.

Now on the occasion of the feast
the governor was accustomed to release to the crowd
one prisoner whom they wished.
And at that time they had a notorious prisoner called Barabbas.
So when they had assembled, Pilate said to them,
“Which one do you want me to release to you,
Barabbas, or Jesus called Christ?”
For he knew that it was out of envy
that they had handed him over.
While he was still seated on the bench,
his wife sent him a message,
“Have nothing to do with that righteous man.
I suffered much in a dream today because of him.”
The chief priests and the elders persuaded the crowds
to ask for Barabbas but to destroy Jesus.
The governor said to them in reply,
“Which of the two do you want me to release to you?”
They answered, “Barabbas!”
Pilate said to them,
“Then what shall I do with Jesus called Christ?”
They all said,
“Let him be crucified!”
But he said,
“Why? What evil has he done?”
They only shouted the louder,
“Let him be crucified!”
When Pilate saw that he was not succeeding at all,
but that a riot was breaking out instead,
he took water and washed his hands in the sight of the crowd,
saying, “I am innocent of this man’s blood.
Look to it yourselves.”
And the whole people said in reply,
“His blood be upon us and upon our children.”
Then he released Barabbas to them,
but after he had Jesus scourged,
he handed him over to be crucified.

Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus inside the praetorium
and gathered the whole cohort around him.
They stripped off his clothes
and threw a scarlet military cloak about him.
Weaving a crown out of thorns, they placed it on his head,
and a reed in his right hand.
And kneeling before him, they mocked him, saying,
“Hail, King of the Jews!”
They spat upon him and took the reed
and kept striking him on the head.
And when they had mocked him,
they stripped him of the cloak,
dressed him in his own clothes,
and led him off to crucify him.

As they were going out, they met a Cyrenian named Simon;
this man they pressed into service
to carry his cross.

And when they came to a place called Golgotha
—which means Place of the Skull —,
they gave Jesus wine to drink mixed with gall.
But when he had tasted it, he refused to drink.
After they had crucified him,
they divided his garments by casting lots;
then they sat down and kept watch over him there.
And they placed over his head the written charge against him:
This is Jesus, the King of the Jews.
Two revolutionaries were crucified with him,
one on his right and the other on his left.
Those passing by reviled him, shaking their heads and saying,
“You who would destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days,
save yourself, if you are the Son of God,
and come down from the cross!”
Likewise the chief priests with the scribes and elders mocked him and said,
“He saved others; he cannot save himself.
So he is the king of Israel!
Let him come down from the cross now,
and we will believe in him.
He trusted in God;
let him deliver him now if he wants him.
For he said, ‘I am the Son of God.'”
The revolutionaries who were crucified with him
also kept abusing him in the same way.

From noon onward, darkness came over the whole land
until three in the afternoon.
And about three o’clock Jesus cried out in a loud voice,
“Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?”
which means, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”
Some of the bystanders who heard it said,
“This one is calling for Elijah.”
Immediately one of them ran to get a sponge;
he soaked it in wine, and putting it on a reed,
gave it to him to drink.
But the rest said,
“Wait, let us see if Elijah comes to save him.”
But Jesus cried out again in a loud voice,
and gave up his spirit.

Here all kneel and pause for a short time.

And behold, the veil of the sanctuary
was torn in two from top to bottom.
The earth quaked, rocks were split, tombs were opened,
and the bodies of many saints who had fallen asleep were raised.
And coming forth from their tombs after his resurrection,
they entered the holy city and appeared to many.
The centurion and the men with him who were keeping watch over Jesus
feared greatly when they saw the earthquake
and all that was happening, and they said,
“Truly, this was the Son of God!”
There were many women there, looking on from a distance,
who had followed Jesus from Galilee, ministering to him.
Among them were Mary Magdalene and Mary the mother of James and Joseph,
and the mother of the sons of Zebedee.

When it was evening,
there came a rich man from Arimathea named Joseph,
who was himself a disciple of Jesus.
He went to Pilate and asked for the body of Jesus;
then Pilate ordered it to be handed over.
Taking the body, Joseph wrapped it in clean linen
and laid it in his new tomb that he had hewn in the rock.
Then he rolled a huge stone across the entrance to the tomb
and departed.
But Mary Magdalene and the other Mary
remained sitting there, facing the tomb.

The next day, the one following the day of preparation,
the chief priests and the Pharisees
gathered before Pilate and said,
“Sir, we remember that this impostor while still alive said,
‘After three days I will be raised up.’
Give orders, then, that the grave be secured until the third day,
lest his disciples come and steal him and say to the people,
‘He has been raised from the dead.’
This last imposture would be worse than the first.”
Pilate said to them,
“The guard is yours;
go, secure it as best you can.”
So they went and secured the tomb
by fixing a seal to the stone and setting the guard.


Meditation:

Who am I?

Am I the one who sells out my friend Jesus for money or materialism? Am I the one that will deny Jesus in the face of adversity and fear. Am I the leader or individual who will give into pressure tactics and interest groups.

Am I like the mother of Jesus, his mother’s sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene standing near the cross?


Prayers and blessings for all my readers during this Palm Sunday. We are imperfect and broken. The joy within us is the saving grace of our beloved Jesus. He came to us as one of us, and died for our sins. Through the death and blood of Jesus, we are reconnected with God the Father 💕🙏

Hope Awareness

When I first became a Catholic, I delve right into my new faith with gusto and excitement. I remember my first Lent going a bit overboard with fasting, giving up coffee, no gaming, and no shopping without really understanding the “why” I was doing it. I was miserable! Yes, I followed through it with the mindset that it was what Catholics do during Lent.

As one matures in their spiritual journey with God, one goes through a surface and more importantly an inner transformation of a deeper understanding of faith. Who I am as a child of God and what does He want for me? Where one was once a child and did as we were told, walking with Jesus leads to a blossoming spirituality. Reflecting within and without ourselves as we head into Easter, there are heart felt insights into the child within who loves God, and who journeys in hope and love. For the realization that through the death of Jesus on the cross, one can cross the bridge to the Father. Jesus died for you and me so that we may have a place next to God.

My Lenten this year is not a list of sacrifices as in previous years, but an inward awareness of me as the child of God whose brokenness is healed through the death of Christ.

Two verses moves my heart today:

I have been crucified with Christ; 20 and it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 2:19-20


New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition

8 For by grace you have been saved through faith, and this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God— 9 not the result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life.

Ephesians 2:8-10

New Revised Standard Version Catholic Edition

This Lenten moves me to rejoice within and it’s in the heart and not my headspace. It is a sincere look within, and in doing this, I see the authentic me as Jesus sees me reflected back at me.

I raise my heart in prayer for each of us to be filled with joy and hope in Jesus.

God Bless 💕🙏