Being Who I Was Created To Be!

Being Who I Was Created to Be

We each have our personal narratives, our personal story that’s filled with our lived experiences…

…This is what makes us each unique.   As each of us are different, we are also one under God.

When I made that decision to follow Jesus, I gave up the ME…and all the Me that was created by the “isms”, structures, framework and models of this world died with me as I gave my life for Christ.

This is a hard idea to grasp, as the world today focuses on “ME”, my individual voice, my cultural and ethnic identity, my race, my social group, and my economic group (the list is endless).  When I think about it, the world has created many different categories for me to exist in.  I call this systematic identification.

“Come, follow me,” Jesus said

If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine.  If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.

Matthew 10:38-39

  For,

There is one God and one Mediator who can reconcile God and humanity—the man Christ Jesus. He gave his life to purchase freedom for everyone.

This is the message God gave to the world at just the right time.

1 Timothy 2:5-6

How I ask…

How do I let God’s will in me play out?  How do I let God lead me?  So often I have asked myself how I know it is God’s will verse my own.  How do I identify the difference?  First, if I do not know the scripture and what God tells me though it, then I cannot discern.  I know now having walked with God, sometimes closely, and at other times far behind what is his will, and what is mine.   The Holy Spirit working within me guides me and always bring me back to His fold.  Just as I know when I have fallen into the traps of this world, of power play, of sinful thoughts, of the ways of the flesh…there is a gut awareness.  I know!

The challenge is whether I listen to God or not.  God always has a way to nudge me and get me back on the right track.  It can be through a life lesson, or through another person.  Sometimes its’ painful, at other times I can laugh.

Often it is only in after thought that I can recount the many ways the Hand of God has been working to guide me through others, through the Bible, and though my inner sense of right and wrong.   There are times when I am sensitive to His voice, and there are times when I am downright rebellious.  He never forsakes me.  For this I am grateful.  

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ- by grace you have been saved. Ephesians 2:4-5 

Happy Mother’s Day

I wanted to celebrate and wish my mom and moms everywhere – Happy Mother’s Day💕

Happy Mother’s Day💕

A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world. John 16:21 NIV

When I think of my mom, I thing about her strength and perseverance as well as her deep love for God.

She first came to Canada in the 50s as a young bride to my dad. It was based on a prearranged match made by her mother and future mother in law. I cannot even imagine the sense of uncertainty, anxiety and anticipation she must of felt as she got off the plane and met my dad for the first time. I can’t imagine the loneliness she must have felt in those early years as a young mom with no friends or support network.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25

I must say I lived my childhood within a hazy bubble (until my rebellious years surfaced when I became teenager. Then my angst and disagreeable personality took over.)

My mom was a homemaker who decided when we were old enough to go into the work force. How daunting it must have been for her with no English proficiency skills and no work experience. She really wanted to work and have financial independence, so my dad gave her the go ahead. My siblings and I were too young to understand how lonely and difficult it was for her.

I remember her sitting on a stool crying one day, but my immature self as wasn’t able to process it. It’s only now as an adult I can look back and feel deep empathy for my mom.

My earliest memories of my parents becoming Christians was when my mom was baptized while she was pregnant with my youngest brother. I remember sitting in the pews and thinking, “What would happen if the paster dropped her?” – the thinking of a young child!

When I think of God’s amazing love, I think how it changed my parents to become different people. Thinking back, I can see how the Holy Spirit moved in them to do the will of God. My parents opened their home and hearth to the Chinese community. Welcoming new Christians to Wednesday night woman’s group to Friday night prayer meetings, to opening our kitchen to international students. My earliest childhood memories is of my mother as a strong woman who over time grew closer and closer to God. After the death of my father, and as she got older, she came into her own person as a servant of God. Today, she is active in her church, as well as a role model to those around her.

My relationship with my mom has also grown as I also became a mom. I think a big part of it is excepting my mom for her experience, insights and wisdom, and letting go of my own baggage and misconceptions of what I want my mom to be like.

Her process and journey was not a smooth one. For one she had to deal with me – the prodigal daughter who during my late teens and early adulthood was rebellious and disobedient.

The journey of mother and daughter relationship also mirrors my own journey of understanding and acceptance. It’s a journey of becoming my own person within the socio-cultural confines of embracing two opposing paradigms – the Chinese and Western – and of Christianity. It is also the story of God’s love and of the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

Thank you Mom❤️

As I grow older, the depth of my appreciation and love for my own mom, grows stronger. Thank you mom!

God bless all mothers❤️

What do we do when there’s nothing we can do?

It’s official….High School for my daughter and son restarts in September.  Today my daughter went to her high school and  collected all her binders, shoes (2+), and all her “junk” (What? 3 bottles of body spray? Really?) from her locker.    My son was still in bed!

Being at home during the COVID-19 pandemic, routines have been a bit off for my children. The tiger mom in me has been lenient. I only ask each child make their own schedule.  The only demand I have comes from Jordan B. Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life An Antidote for Chaos – 1. Make your bed!

I’ve got to say there are many benefits to being a “tiger mom” (coughs, coughs, OK it means I am pretty strict!). My daughter sets aside 6 hours daily to focus on her studies using zoom and other online platform supplied by her school.  She is able to organize and schedule in time for breaks, snacks and working out. My son on the other hand is now a young adult and stays up till the wee hours.  I personally don’t mind his nocturne habits as long as all his school work is done.  As long as he maintains his standards of excellence, I basically don’t need to supervise his study time.

On the weekends they are free to relax and chill, but my favorite time is Sunday morning. We watch an online Sunday Church Service together, and then I cook brunch for the family. These are precious moments for me during our quarantine.

What can we do when there’s nothing we can do about it?

We are all living with some sense of anxiety, challenges and financial fall back. That’s a given!

My sister sent the family a link this morning – How to Persevere in Tough Times by Andy Stanley.

 

It reminds us to make a conscious paradigm shift, and to embrace the trials we have with an attitude of faith.   Yes, our faith in God will be tested, and if we are afraid  – we pray and ask God for wisdom.  Are we strong enough to endure?  I for one can honestly say I can stand strong in the face of chaos only because I know that the Hand of God rests upon me.

1. Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 2. knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 5. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

5. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. James 1: 1-5 

My personal to do list during COVID-19 stems from not wanting to waste time during my quarantine.   My goal is spiritual growth and reflection upon the grace of God in my life. It’s of trusting God, and stepping outside of my comfort zone. My goal is to motivate my children to want to know more about God. It’s to share the story of Jesus – let them who have ears – hear. I want to share my love for Him. I want to be a living example of someone who lives in with the Holy Spirit in me. Finally, I want them to live mindfully and embrace the daily nuances big or small.

Within all the unknowns around the COVID-19, it is my time to time to “persevere” and trust in God to guide me/us. It is also for me/us to ask for wisdom to think critically and sheive make the right choices.

Let us start each day with a time of silence.  It’s not hard to take 5 to 6 minutes out of our day in quiet prayer with God. 

I pray for the perseverance to to endure.  I pray that my faith grows stronger.  I will stay with God and not quit!

13.Here is something I am still sure of.
    I will see the Lord’s goodness
    while I’m still alive.
14.Wait for the Lord.
    Be strong and don’t lose hope.
    Wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:13-14

I will stay with God, I will not quit!

I will stay with God, I will not quit!

I will stay with God, I will not quit!

I pray that each of you will do the same:

Stay with God, and don’t quit❤️

 

 

There is Peace in God’s Love

The pass few days I’ve been feeling a little down. Sometimes it’s hard to express or articulate the whys. I feel the weight of the world come down on me as I watch world events around me fall into place – like pieces on a chess board – sounding the beginning of the coming rapture and tribulation.

It’s hard for me to switch off as the researcher side of me see – the hermeneutics and intricacies of events is laid out and unfolding in front of me.

It is times like these I need to withdraw and pray. It is times like these I want silence. I must draw closer to God and trust in His will and prepare within myself Spiritually for what’s to come.

Believe in God.

Trust in God.

Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also. (John 14:1-3)

It’s also a topic most Christians avoid and don’t talk about. It is especially a hard to explain to my own children and with those who have just come to know Christ.

Like a friend recently expressed: But I am petrified about this topic.. lol 😭😭

“Yeah so am I,” I think to myself

There is actually very few I can talk to about this. As it’s a topic that requires deep trust in God. In fact it’s about trusting God and knowing my own fears and anxieties. I thank my brother for being there for me to cry and sob. Daily miracles is God putting people in our path to comfort us, to encourage us, and to guide us, and, in turn He puts those in front of us to do the same. He alights our Spiritual growth and opens our eyes to the area in our lives that needs growth. He brings others to our path to help and guide.

He moves us to pray!

It is not for me to carry the weight of the world. It is for me to communicate with God, and to ask Jesus to take the burden off of me. As much as I feel the wrath of God upon the world, and as I am quarantined for the 7th week of the COVID-19 pandemic, I thank my Lord God for his shield of protection over my family here and in Toronto. I thank Him for protecting my friends, neighbours, colleagues in my sphere.

Each day in prayer there is someone who comes to mind for me to prayer for.

Moreover I understand how important it is to keep in prayer with God. He is calling me to draw nearer to Him. To embrace Him with all of myself.

I pray for my children who will be the next generation in a world with which the seduction of evil (Satan) permeates every facets of their lives – through the media, news, entertainment and propaganda towards materialism – towards a leftist ideology.

It is saturating our world – hence it is weighted upon me to pray for the hand of God to continue to guide my children to walk in the light. Just as it’s important for me, their mom, to guide them in Gods words:

But godliness with contentmentis great gain. 1 Timothy 6:6

To understand that:

7. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.

8. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content.

9. But they that will be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and hurtful lusts, which drown men in destruction and perdition.

10. For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. 1 Timothy 6:7-10

I pray for my children to always put God first in their hearts and mind. To not put the desires of this world first. To teach my children to think critically, and to discern that the actions they take is not with the wrong intent.

The last two days have been sunny out. I took my dog out for walks. I am spending time outdoors in quiet reflection.

16. We have come to know and have believed the love which God has for us. God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. 17. By this, love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgment; because as He is, so also are we in this world. 1 John 16-17

I thank you God for your love, and for the confidence we have in your love. Your love gives me the confidence to be at peace. I lift up my hands on thanksgiving❤️Amen

Embracing Joy and Peace

As wonderful as it is to be with my family the past several weeks, let me admit that it has been challenging as we adapt to – “being together”. I have literally not gone out except to walk the dog. My son went out one day to “run” and hasn’t since. Whereas my daughter has kept a routine of doing her school work online and exercising. My husband is working – essential services. Being together in a confined space can lead to flaring tempers, as well as general grumpiness from time to time as we adjust to our individual personalities and uniqueness.

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 1 John 4:7

I was personally disappointed in myself this week. I lost my temper and raised my voice the other day. I think the volume resonated throughout my neighbourhood – why? It was for the most stupid thing – a misunderstanding about my daughter not throughly reading one of her teachers’ email.

After the tears, we walked through her teachers’ email to realize she was having difficulties. We email and talked to her teacher via telephone and worked together to resolve the issue.

I felt like such a terrible mom for not being a better role model. I was disappointed in myself for losing my temper. I know that in the midst of my anger I felt the hand of God on me – an inner voice telling me to stop. With tears in my eyes, I held my daughter and told her how much I love her. “I am sorry”, I sobbed.

It’s been a few days since this incident, and I am thankful for the power of God. Through His Holy Spirit, He guides me to reflect, and hence have a deeper understanding of who I am – my shortcomings, and, of forgiveness.

As I was walking the dog this morning, I also thought about the power of love which resides within. There was a beauty this morning as I walked Candy. The sun is bright as winter turns into a nippy spring. There are buds sprouting on bare trees, and it is a wonderment to feel His amazing grace in all around. I thank God for opening my eyes and heart. To see and feel His living creation. There is an understanding that it is only through the living power of the Holy Spirit I have joy and peace.

Moments such as these are Gods’ hands in our lives as He awakens us from our slumber. He wants us to see the beauty beyond the negative emotions and bad deeds of this world. It is Christ living in us through the power of the Holy Spirit:

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

Despite the challenges, disappointments, pain and all the negative that can befall, I need to remember – through God we received joy! Through God we receive peace! Through God, I have the life energy of the Holy Spirit.

I pray that Aleeza, Mathieu, Daniel each receive the power of the Holy Spirit and be energized.

I pray all those around me – my extended family, friends and colleagues, are filled with the Holy Spirit and live with joy! I pray they have peace within their hearts and be energized!

I pray that those in my great community, and my readers feel the blessings of the Holy Spirit as they walk in Christ Jesus and be energized!

Joy and peace in the Holy Spirit!

Amen

Music For The Soul

Toronto with Matt and MeiMei aka Aleeza

While wearing the mom mask, a question which continuously haunts me is, “What kind of legacy will I leave my children?” This thought is even more prevalent today as I look around me – a world in COVID-19 pandemic overdrive.

When I’m dead and gone, what will they remember about me? Do I dare tell them of my many zany stories walking from the left to the right, or of the anguished walks that were oftentimes spiritually rocky? They are my stories of a living God, of a guiding hand, and of a healer.

Who am I? It’s not because of who I am, it’s because of who YOU are, that I can look in the mirror and know who I am. From forever questioning, and finally finding the living hope in Him – Jesus. Out of my angst there is only Him – my Saviour.

When I think about my life, I think of God’s amazing grace. His hands time and time again guiding me back into his embrace – His mercy and unending love abound.

Hence, the one precious thing I want to leave my children when I am dead and gone is my immense love for my Saviour – Jesus. I want to tell them of His love for me and you.

I want my children to know Him more.

I want my children to love Him, to trust Him, and depend on Him as I do!

This compilation of songs is for me, you, us. They are music for the soul. May each of us discover the precious presence of Jesus, and God’s deep love for me, you, us🌷

I love you – Aleeza and Matt❤️here is my compilation of my favourite music for you:

https://music.apple.com/ca/playlist/songs-for-my-soul/pl.u-PDb44Z5tJjq1eX

Amen❤️

Little White Lies…

For we have all sinned, and come short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

It’s often hard for parents to teach our children right from wrong, and especially hard to teach them from a Christian standpoint. It’s hands on, and oftentimes preparedness armed with the tools God gives us – the BIBLE. Through the BIBLE we are given wisdom and knowledge.

Little white lies…

The other day I noticed a full bag of chips shrunk by half. I casually asked my 13 year old if she had any. Her immediate reply, “No”.

“Who?”

“I don’t know”

It was a small matter, but I repeated the question and got the same response. The issue in my mind was how do I make my daughter recognize that her little lie has consequences. How do I teach her that it’s wrong to lie. How do I guide her to understand that lying however big or small, it’s still a lie and it’s not only wrong, but a sin!

How do I as a mom get her to owe it?

Mom, “MeiMei you are doing bad stuff that makes God sad”.

If we sin, we will go to a bad place when we die.

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.Revelation 21:8 KJV

Mom asks, “MeiMei, do you think you’ve sin?“

“Hmm, No.”

He came to earth as an infant.

With a calm face, I tell her the story of Jesus. I explain to her how Jesus is God who lived in heaven, but he came down to earth as man (human). He lived for 33 1/2 years without sin. There were certain people who were jealous of Jesus and using fake charges, lied and framed him. They crucified Jesus and then buried Him. Jesus raised himself from the dead. Jesus is now in heaven.

Hence, He was crucified, buried and resurrected.

Do you know why Jesus went through all this bloodiness for?

But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

It’s because of our sin. This prevents us from going to heaven. The only thing that can wash away our sin is the blood of Jesus. This is the only way we can go to heaven.

Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him. Romans 5:9

Only through the blood of Jesus can wash away our sin.

Mom, “Are you sorry for being a sinner?”

“Yes.”

Upon which this mom tells her daughter, “All you have to do is say it to God.”

If we believe and say to God. He will forgive.

Amen!