Holding Your Gaze

Photo by Chris Barker on Unsplash

You have loved me since the beginning of time.

From that moment you created me and kissed me, the fire of your spirit came into me.

It filled me and kept me warm and protected, and in the arms of my mother I laid.

You were never far, but gazed upon me with love from above your heavenly realm.

When I was a child, I thought as a child, and gazed at you and though how kind you seem. I was told you were the good shepherd. My friend you became.

I was ignorant and unaware of how Your wisp of fire burnt within me. It kept me safe throughout my childhood.

But as I grew older, you became a distance memory, of a character from a fairy tale of sort, of a kindly man who went out in search of His lost sheep.

So began my journey without, not of the ephemeral joys of childhood stories, but into the vast world around me. I yearned to experience – life!

Lived I will in the world of Sartre and Camus. That little flame within me started to diminish, barely lighting my path. You became a distance memory

Oh how my thoughtlessness must have grieved you. My idiom became the selfish call for subjective truth, as it is I alone who can determine my path or so I thought. I didn’t look back, but fell into the abyss of desire.

Truth, Truth, what is it but to know thine own self. Oh, how good it felt, until I realized I needed more.

Feeding the temporal desires of my body was like seeking a cure for an incurable disease. The more I filled myself and fanned my wants, the greater my need for it became. It threw me into a revolving door of more needs and wants.

It was always You, for you alone patiently waited for me. So many times, from the dark mire of my soul, you have called to me. I tuned you out!

My avariciousness for sexual desires darken my soul. I spiraled into self abasement and addiction to the flesh. Gluttonously satisfying an empty cup that seems to endlessly always need more to fill and feed the demons which took over my body and my spirit.

Jesus, you called my name, but I was too ashamed to lift up my head. I continued to run until I fell into the pit of endless obsession. Yet you never abandoned me, and continued to remind me of your love for me.

You, my dear friend never left me. You were quietly pulling me out of the desiccation that is me. Your hands blocking and casing out the debris around me. You were there to protect me from the rape of soul.

You lifted me out of the veniality of my soul. Your radiant divine mercy and love shrines upon my abyss. You reignited the dying flame within me.

You came down to me so that I can see for myself your love and sincerity. Gazing upon you, I feel the ominous nectar that has consumed me burn away. The light of your fire alighting my soul and reviving me to live again in Your presence. In your gaze, I saw Your love for me.

Holding your gaze, I can let go of myself. I have been liberated from my hate, and my bedeviled past. Gazing up onto the cross, I am forgiven. Holding Your gaze. I am reborn. Your breathe alights within my soul a fire.

Note: My Confession.

Thanks for reading,

God Bless πŸ’–

Pray More

Praying has become my daily substance. Not only does it refreshes my soul, but it helps me begin my day with the inner knowledge of God’s grace and presence. I can hear my inner voice singing my own version of Psalms – praising God for a new day, and asking for strength and sustenance.

As a new Catholic, this will be the first time I celebrate the season of Lent. I had many questions: Why do Catholics celebrate Lent? What is Lent? When does it start? How long is Lent? What do we do during Lent? The researcher in me was curious. To find my answers, I asked Catholic friends and did an online search. This is how the hand of God lead me to The Pray More Lenten Retreat.

As we draw near to the season of Lent, the Pray More Lenten Retreat is being offered online. I love the fact that I can participate from home and at my own pace.

2021 Lent Retreat – The Pray More Retreat

“A retreat?” some may ask. Yes! An online retreat devoted to deepening our relationship with Christ. For those like me who juggle many roles and having hectic days is the norm, I like the fact I can tune in when I can, and journey at my own pace. I am excited by their list of speakers. I love inspiring insights that guide me towards a greater focus upon our Savior.

Starting February 17, it will add to my Lent experience, as it is a time to reflect and deepen my prayer life. This retreat will definitely guide me and all participants towards a fuller life in Christ.

Paying to participate in this retreat is not mandatory, as it gives all participants the option to pay or participate for free.

I encourage my readers to sign up for this retreat.

Heavenly Father,

Let us bring before our Lord Jesus all our baggage and put it at His feet. Let Him help us carry our personal yokes, and let us go on a journey of healing with Him. We all lead busy lives, and some of us more hectic than others. Lent is a time for us to take time out to joyfully reflect and draw nearer to Him, and participate at your own pace πŸ’–

Amen πŸ™