12 Six days before the Passover Jesus came to Bethany, the home of Lazarus, whom he had raised from the dead. 2 There they gave a dinner for him. Martha served, and Lazarus was one of those at the table with him. 3 Mary took a pound of costly perfume made of pure nard, anointed Jesus’ feet, and wiped them with her hair. The house was filled with the fragrance of the perfume. 4 But Judas Iscariot, one of his disciples (the one who was about to betray him), said, 5 ‘Why was this perfume not sold for three hundred denarii and the money given to the poor?’ 6 (He said this not because he cared about the poor, but because he was a thief; he kept the common purse and used to steal what was put into it.) 7 Jesus said, ‘Leave her alone. She bought it so that she might keep it for the day of my burial. 8 You always have the poor with you, but you do not always have me.’
(Aside: I have met some remarkable and inspiring people through my RCIA (Camino) group. Jeff Rose is one of them, and along with all the members of my Camino group – have made me feel welcomed. They have helped me get over my social awkwardness. In our journey together, each of us have deepened our relationship with Jesus. This Easter will see 8 Baptized into God’s family.
Most of all, for me, I no longer feel like an outsider, but am the prodigal daughter returned home – into the welcome embrace of God’s mercy and amazing grace. Praise be to God.)
From that moment you created me and kissed me, the fire of your spirit came into me.
It filled me and kept me warm and protected, and in the arms of my mother I laid.
You were never far, but gazed upon me with love from above your heavenly realm.
When I was a child, I thought as a child, and gazed at you and though how kind you seem. I was told you were the good shepherd. My friend you became.
I was ignorant and unaware of how Your wisp of fire burnt within me. It kept me safe throughout my childhood.
But as I grew older, you became a distance memory, of a character from a fairy tale of sort, of a kindly man who went out in search of His lost sheep.
So began my journey without, not of the ephemeral joys of childhood stories, but into the vast world around me. I yearned to experience – life!
Lived I will in the world of Sartre and Camus. That little flame within me started to diminish, barely lighting my path. You became a distance memory
Oh how my thoughtlessness must have grieved you. My idiom became the selfish call for subjective truth, as it is I alone who can determine my path or so I thought. I didn’t look back, but fell into the abyss of desire.
Truth, Truth, what is it but to know thine own self. Oh, how good it felt, until I realized I needed more.
Feeding the temporal desires of my body was like seeking a cure for an incurable disease. The more I filled myself and fanned my wants, the greater my need for it became. It threw me into a revolving door of more needs and wants.
It was always You, for you alone patiently waited for me. So many times, from the dark mire of my soul, you have called to me. I tuned you out!
My avariciousness for sexual desires darken my soul. I spiraled into self abasement and addiction to the flesh. Gluttonously satisfying an empty cup that seems to endlessly always need more to fill and feed the demons which took over my body and my spirit.
Jesus, you called my name, but I was too ashamed to lift up my head. I continued to run until I fell into the pit of endless obsession. Yet you never abandoned me, and continued to remind me of your love for me.
You, my dear friend never left me. You were quietly pulling me out of the desiccation that is me. Your hands blocking and casing out the debris around me. You were there to protect me from the rape of soul.
You lifted me out of the veniality of my soul. Your radiant divine mercy and love shrines upon my abyss. You reignited the dying flame within me.
You came down to me so that I can see for myself your love and sincerity. Gazing upon you, I feel the ominous nectar that has consumed me burn away. The light of your fire alighting my soul and reviving me to live again in Your presence. In your gaze, I saw Your love for me.
Holding your gaze, I can let go of myself. I have been liberated from my hate, and my bedeviled past. Gazing up onto the cross, I am forgiven. Holding Your gaze. I am reborn. Your breathe alights within my soul a fire.
my journey into the fringe drew me deeper into a dark journey
How can I explain to you that despite the shadows of death – there is hope
That with just a glimmer of faith
Jesus was right there with guiding me out of my misery
Like a tapestry with interweaving thread, a medley of people and circumstances intertwine and weaved their way into my life and guided me out of my self destructive path.
In hindsight, Jesus never forsaked me, and He watched over me and walked with me until my eyes could see him.
He is patient
He is Grace
He loves me
How can I explain that once I cried out to Him to be my Saviour – That all the bad decisions I’ve made in the past stays in the past – my life took a 180 turn away from my old life.
“Follow Me”, is all He asks of me.
Thank you Jesus for reminding me this past Easter weekend of your sacrifice for me❤️
30 When he was at the table with them, he took bread, gave thanks, broke it and began to give it to them. 31 Then their eyes were opened and they recognized him, and he disappeared from their sight. 32 They asked each other, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?”
Luke 24:30-32 | NIV
23 Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.